My One Cent Worth of Thoughts

A few days ago, I emailed my friend on some of the thoughts and feelings I had, over the years, about our friendship. I have finally mustered enough guts to write and I have never written a more truthful letter in my whole life. I waited and waited, there was no reply. Has she taken offence in what I had said? So, sighing, I dropped her a one liner, telling her to give me a short mail, at least to tell me what she thought about my confessions? I waited for a reply, not daring to hope.

Today, I received it. She laughed at how silly I was. We are friends and always will be.

~~~ Memories are to be cherished. ~~~

Today I received an email from my friend. “I am not sure why, but I keep thinking of my childhood days, unconsciously.”

I am sure that everyone does, especially in a time like this. The ever present recession for the last 5 years, the fear of loss of job and stability (or even, have already lost the job), responsibilities – to your family (well to almost everyone in the world) and everyone is pressurizing you to get married, if you have not, if you have, well, to have children! This is a never-ending story. Some people choose to hide in their make believe world of nonchalance, while some of us take refuge in our sunny childhood memories.

Once in a while, I pull my memories out of the box, dust them a little, and flip through them carefully. Whether they have been happy or sad, they have made me what I am today. Therefore, my greatest fear would be to lose them, bit by bit, to time…. As compared to now, the biggest problem that I had during my schooldays was so trivial and yet, so important at that point of time. My whole world revolved around examinations, BGR and competitions. It was small, contained and carefree.

I have wished for umpteen times that I should have studied harder for the examinations, for Singapore is an academically governed society. Employers judge you according to the class of honours that you have obtained. But, what is life without friends and play?! Well, I only remember the times I spent having fun anyway. I have great pity for the people, who shuttle between the lecture theatre (sometimes to the library too) and home. I just wonder what kind of things have they filled their memory chests with? Images of the lecturers (puke) or books or examination papers (Shiver)??? Sometimes, I even thought, “Hey! What would have happened if I had followed my heart instead of my head?” But I will never know, because all these are just “what ifs”.

Memories of these days will never fade from my mind. How I wish that life will always remain so simple.

This is so amazing, this memory just popped into my mind out of nowhere. I think most of you out there must be wondering, which part of my brain has been short-circuited.

Whirla Whip, have you ever heard of it? Me neither til I was 17. My JC* mates brought me to a little shop, very insignificant, if you did not look closely enough. It was near to Dunman High School, yes, so you have guessed. The ex-Dunmanians brought me there. The high cost of the ice cream was offset by the hospitality of the boss of the shop. After the initial visit, we started going there more and more often, after our club meetings. This became a semi regular routine in my life.

I peered into the glass panel, trying to select the best combination of ingredients, that would result in the best whip ever. My personal favourites were oreo and strawberry. The boss collected the bits and pieces, unwrapped a vanilla icecream block, plonked it into the top of the machine, poured the ingredients into some funnel and pulled the lever. Presto! Whirla Whip was done!

We would collect our little whips (the large ones were simply too expensive!), sit ourselves on one of the little tables and yak the day away. Complaints, secrets, crushes…. the things we chatted about….. We became so “arh”* with the boss, that he would go into the room behind the shop and we would yell for him when someone came. I thought he would let us operate the machine one day, if we had stayed often enough….. I will never forget the scenes.

After we graduated from JC and moved on with our lives in university, we simply took the little memory of the whip and tucked it behind our brains. Years passed… One day I drove along the road. Whirla Whip. Where was it? It was gone. Sitting in the place where it used to be, was another shop… Has it closed down, because we have forgotten about it? Forgot about the times we spent right in that little shop? Will our memories one day just fade away, just like the whirla whip shop has?

~~~My One Cent Worth of Thoughts~~~

* “Arh” = Friendly

JC = Junior College, a school that we attend before going into university.

I have always thought that it is the distance that has separated me from my friends. “Long distance relationships never last” A cliche chanted by those who have lost their loved ones to the distance spanning between them. This quote probably applies to friendships as well.

However, I have come to realise that distance is a just a mask over the real enemy, which is time. Friends and lovers drift apart along the seams of time, not because of the physical distance. When someone is alone in a foreign country, he or she probably has more TIME to him/herself to think, about life, what they want ultimately. She can probably think more clearly since the factor of influence has been removed from her vicinity. There is space and time to discover the big differences they have or the similarities that they share. Time in Singapore is just not enough, simply insufficient for us to think quietly about our lives. We just go around in a whirlwind of social activities, gatherings, dinners, movies, work….. It is really too cluttered up to allow our minds the freedom to ponder and reflect on who we are.

If distance mattered, how is it that, some friends, who live in Singapore, which is dreadfully small, just disappear from your lives? Friends, drift away, go about their matters. Well, you probably have not spent enough time with them, to renew the bonds of friendships. It doesn’t have to be physical time, since technology is so advanced. Drop an email, pick up the phone, write a good old snail mail, but most of us just are too lazy and complacent to do it. And as time goes by, this void that the friend left behind, is slowly filled up by other people and matters. What about the joys and laughters that you have shared with them, what about the times that they had lent you a shoulder to cry on? Have you forgotten all that they have done for you? Or have they forgotten everything as well?

I emailed a long time friend, who had sort of drifted away from me. I thought that she wouldn’t remember some of the things that we have said and done, probably about 10 years ago. But she did. This is really heartening. She gave me the hope that some of my long lost friends still do have memories of the times we had shared together.

I say SORRY to all my friends, whom I have allowed to walk out of my life. I have made a promise to myself. This will not happen again.