According to the dictionary,

I-ri-do-lo-gy
Study of the iris, especially as associated with disease.

I had the privilege to meet an Iridologist (Oh wowee!) on Sat at the Malay Heritage Centre (Don’t ask me what I was doing there on a fine Sat morning/afternoon, when I could have been doing something better! Grrr…!! That’s another story altogether!). Someone was giving away flyers about iridology (I’m 100% certain that it’s been plagarised from some iridology website). So, to kill my boredom, I abandoned my colleague at my stall (one of the stalls at the Vanity and Wellness Fair, supposedly targetted at professional women. Guess their idea of professional women and mine are on the extreme ends of the scale… )and sneaked off to walk around the rest of the stalls and exhibits.

I met Thye San, wandering around out of boredom as well, at the Iridology stall. Ahh.. This looked like something that’s more intriguing than the rest. The people behind the stall were all self-professed iridology. Apparently, they would check your iris for illnesses and then recommend a supplement from their stash of MLM products to improve on the condition.

Ok, fine. After a few encouraging words and nudges from me, Thye San asked if the “iridologist” could try giving him a diagnosis. The Malay man, in his 50s, took off his spectacles and peered into Thye San’s eyes, or irises, to be specific, and nodded knowingly every few seconds. Then he took off his spectacles and took a deep breath…… (Me too, I was eager to hear some earth shaking diagnosis here, wowee, a reeaaaal iridologist.)

With a sagacious air, he drawled,”You frequently get headaches….” (wowee! what a revelation!!!)
TS : Yes! You are right! I often get headaches!
SOM (Sagacious old man) : Right, you always think very hard. (rewarded by me rolling my eyes and TS nodding enthusiastically)
TS : Right, sometimes I get headaches after long hours of work.

So the SOM went on to introduce some supplements which would cure this ailment. There was a horde of Malay aunties standing beside the SOM, pushing products towards TS.

A younger Malay man (in his 30s, I think) came up and stared into my eyes. I got such a shock that my eyes went glassy. (Don’t be surprised, he could even give me a diagnosis even after my eyes glazed over.) I think he has a lot to learn from the SOM, beginning with iriodolgy 101, how not to alarm your customers. Anyway, he too, gave me the exact same knowing look (ah, must have learnt that in iriodolgy beginner’s course) and said,”You have a problem with skin allergy.”

“What What!?” I sputtered. “No I don’t.”
“Yes you do.” (Now who the heck is he to tell me that I have skin allergy when I don’t!)
“Now look here. I have only had rashes twice on my arms TWICE in my whole life!”
“THere you see! Like what I said, you have skin allergy.” (DUH!)
Refusing to argue with a moron, I decided to agree with him. “Hey! You are right! I DO have skin allergy.”
With my ardent agreement, he smiled at me and recommended supplements to combat that. (Why me?!)

Moral of the Story : If you do want to pretend to be a iridologist, at least get to know the top 10 problems which most Singaporeans have. If I were to do it, my diagnosis would probably be :

Stress (Most Singaporeans are stressed up over one thing or other anyway. High Hit Rate.)
Lack of Sleep
Difficulty in Sleeping
Headache
Myopia (Now that’s easy! I will probably peer into my customer’s eyes, spot the contact lenses and cheerfully tell him that he has myopia. Duh!)

See! I will definitely make a great Iridologist! At least a better one than those 2!