A Loner in the Crowd

A Loner in the Crowd

As I sat in the Chinese restaurant, fidgeting in my seat, sweeping my eyes across the room, I realised that, every table was occupied by either couples, duos or large groups. Huddled in my seat, I was the only loner.

Funny how I stayed at home all day and not feel a wee bit lonely, but sitting there in the middle of the crowd, I felt like I didn’t belong. Which person would be insane enough to eat in a ‘family’ restaurant, alone?! I picked at the tablecloth, feeling very self conscious, thinking desperately for something to do, to drive away the L monster. No books handy as I wasn’t really prepared to eat my dinner out. Yes, I could always fritter some time away by writing in my diary. Therefore, I hurled out my.. little… diary book and started scribbling. People started staring, totally curious about that Asian girl at the next table, alone and furiously writing away. I took down my little observations (When I forget my book in the *MRT, I like to observe people secretly. Discreetly of course, for I have no wish to be beaten up for a split second eye contact.), how some of the Germans insisted on using chopsticks… with plates, a wonder to me. How could they ever manage to eat properly like that, for chopsticks go with bowls and plates are just too shallow? Or perhaps, they were more Chinese than I ever was, for I used a plate, fork, spoon and knife just now. How amazing, the easterners striving to become westernised and the westerners busy imitating the habits of the easterners.

However, I have deviated from the purpose of this passage. Things always do not turn out the way I want them to. THe point I want to make is, when I am alone, the more people there are in the same room, the lonelier I feel. Whereas, alone in an apartment does not invite loneliness. Is this strange? Am I strange?

*MRT = Mass Rapid Transport in Singapore = Subway in UK = S bahn in Germany

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