Call it PPPMS (Pre pre… Menstrual Syndrome)… call it winter depression, the underlying statement is still – Life SUCKS, in fact, it sucks big time! Maybe some of you read my site for the entertainment of the day in your busy lives, sorry about this lousy, ugly, depressing piece. Well, people who know me (or maybe they do not really know me at all), may not believe it, but I am not optimistic and cheerful for all 365 days for the past 20 odd years. I succumb to the occasional depression BUG too. This piece of truth bothers me, yes, it is like the splinter in my thumb, I can feel it, but am unable to get rid of it.
However, in actual fact, I am already luckier than a lot of people in the world. I am not living in a war torn country, nor am I starving in poverty. Living in an almost developed country should give me freedom in my choices in my miserable life, but have I? Most of the time, I am living my life based on obligations. Well, it is unfair to accuse the people around me of forcing their expectations on me. In reality, I am the one who is binding myself down with it. So, who do I have to blame? I do make my own choices. Yet, I am sick, SICK of doing the right things, at the right time for the right people. I want to be wrong and well, absolutely, extremely terribly wrong. Being the coward that I am, I will never be able to accomplish it.
As I am writing this piece, I experience an unexplainable wave of numbness, tired of feeling for anything and everything around me. The constricted feeling around my heart just refuses to go away. I feel the urge of leaving everything behind and escaping into oblivion.