My One Cent Worth of Thoughts

See see! I actually have more than 20 comments for my last substandard, pathetic entry. Exhilarated, I thought, Hey! People are starting to take notice of my blog! Then, again, after browsing through the comments, they fall into 2 catergories:
1. Begging for $$
2. A standard “praise” for my blog before doing some free marketing for theirs.

If you don’t have any constructive comments, then just don’t write anything! BAH!

Blogger just lost part of this, which I have painstakingly toiled over for the last 30 mins… sheesh! This round will be factual, no more funnies…. I just lost my humour inspiration…

A little update on the progress on Lumino before the complaints pour in.

Lumino in a red moony hat, set off by her night black split top and white bottom.

(Chanting in a boring tone) Lumino in a brown Japo straw hat. She’ll be wearing this for a loooong loooong time to come…. Because the silly girl has spent all her money guzzling pots. (I don’t know which is worse… to spend money on clothes or on drugs.) Anyway, Axeo (He’s a cleric. Lucky pig! He doesn’t have to spend money on pots.) has kindly volunteered his healing aid so that Lumino can wean herself off drugs and buy herself more flashy clothes in order to live up to her fashion mage reputation.

Now, it’s time for complaints!!!!!!!!!!

Goodness Gracious! I thank God that the server which we are on, is a Southeast Asia Server and dominated by mostly Singaporeans. The kids are horrigibidific!!! See the extent of it! (Ok, I coined the word myself to show my exasperation!) The only good thing I can think of, is that, they are all contained in the SEA server. They must not be released to the world or else, there will be such a stink on Singapore’s name that 1 trillion bottles of top grade French perfume will not be able to cover it.

It is disheartening to realize that these are our future leaders. (Just to redeem some of them, I have met a few nice, decent kids). A bunch of cut-throats, extortionists, spoilt pesky brats and super whiners! That’s how realistic William Golding’s Lord of the Flies can be. (Hallo! It’s Lord of the FLIES not Rings! Yeah! I know I know, the ringy one is more famous… ) The super whiners go around, begging people for mesos, items etc…. And they practically whine til it gets on your nerves and you just have to throw them a bone.

Besides that, there were the unethical brats who go around stealing people’s kills! One moment, you were happily wacking this green monster, seeing gore and blood fly around, then in a flash of blue, it disappeared! Someone just stole the kill and all the experience and thus wasted the few happy minutes, which you have spent to decrease its resistance!

During one of my earlier days in Maple, when I was naïve and innocent, unlike the hard, realistic me now, I met this bloody kid.

Bloody kid : Can I have some money?
Me : (being a angel) Ok. (Gave him 1000 mesos)
Bloody kid : Not enough. I want 10,000 mesos.
Me : Sorry, no money.
Bloody kid : YOU LIAR!! (Bloody kid! That’s after I have given him 1k!!! Bloody ungrateful).
Me : ……
Bloody kid : If you don’t give me 10,000 mesos, I will ks (steal your kills) from now on!
Me : …… (Ignored the brat)

Guess what, the thug really stayed around and stole all my kills!

Sigh… Now you know where all the playground violence comes about. I have inferred that this must be the dumb kid who goes around the playgrounds and extorting his playmates. An alternative theory : He’s a victim himself and thus comes into maple to victimize others, because he is too cowardly to stand up for himself in the real world and he can terrorize people behind the safety of the computer screen. COWARD!!! Whatever the case is, the parents ought to be whipped for producing such a kid. If they have no time to impart good values to them, then don’t give birth to them lar!!!!

Ok… I have let out my frustration. Beware the next brat who crosses me!!!!

Have you been to seminars/workshops/lectures? I would assume so. I have been to tonnes of them.

Another observation : Have you ever noticed that people walk in and out of the room during the session?

Observation #3 : The strange thing is, they simply refuse to use the backdoor, but would prefer to do that right before a hundred pairs of eyes.

Observation #4 : Not only that, they always perform this weird movement of lowering their heads or hunching their backs as they stride across the room.

Observation #5 : Gosh! Some genie must have taught them that! That is, by hunching your back or lowering your heads, you would either become invisible or shrink to a miniscular size and nobody will notice you sauntering across the room.

The Bad News : Well, it certainly doesn’t work. Despite all the hunching, lowering, attempts to run across with lightning speed, we still see them…… BIG as life. Would someone please tell them so that they will stop embarrassing themselves in front of a huge audience and in public??

The lunchtime (or dinnertime) topics revolve around babies, babies and more babies! Argh!!! I think I will go mad if I were to hear more about what to eat, what not to eat during pregnancy down to which milk pump to use. Can you beat that?! Anyway, right after a girl gets married, the next most exciting thing would be to have a baby after the whirlwind of marriage.

One of my friends, who’s currently pregnant, commented,”There are a lot of pregnant ladies around. I was waiting for my friend for lunch at the junction and boy, do I see MANY pregnant women waddling around!!” I told her that it’s because she’s in a similar condition, therefore she noticed this.

It’s just like…. before you buy a car, yeah, you vaguely know that Singapore roads are congested, especially when you are in a rush (Notice how all traffic lights are red and lifts are always at the top floor when you are in a hurry. sheesh…). But after you have bought a car, you notice that, “Hey! Toyota is such a popular brand (you pat yourself on your back, good buy!!) that everyone on the road is driving one! (Down with Honda! Down with erm.. Mitsubishi etc) And a Silver one at that!!!!”

Strange! Suddenly the whole world is filled with pregnant women and silver Toyotas!!!!!

Hey! Everyone’s using an IBM laptop after I bought one! That’s a brilliant buy there, Ah Wei!

The biggest news in the Straits Times in the last few days was, and still is, the arrest of CAO CEO Chen Jiulin for fraud and insider trading. Everyone I know, knows someone who has lost money from the CAO stock crash just a few months back. It was pretty easy to tell… the people who were going around, muttering to themselves, with knitted eyebrows, on the very day, when news of suspension of CAO stock trading was announced.

However, they soon pushed it to the very back (this little dark closet, into which they stuff unpleasant experiences and conveniently forget about them) of their minds and happily continued with their stock market trading. Sigh.

One of the stock trading books says, “if you find the aunties and uncles at the fish market passing each other tips on stock trading, it’s time to get out of the market….”

Doesn’t this look familiar to you? Yep yep! It’s a typical stock chart! What do you mean, it looks ugly! I drew that myself!! Can you imagine the pain I had to go through to draw this chart, using the Paint software and a touchpad?? The cramp my poor fingers had to go through!!

Anyway, as I was saying…. Do you see the tiny red arrow squiggle? Right, that’s the point where instituitional investors inject their huge amount of funds. As a result, it drives the price up sharply.

At this point, dealers, research analysts saw this and quickly put in their own trades. Sorry, minus the research analysts, that would constitute insider trading… So, the dealers put their $$ in.

In the middle of the night, Ah Wei is awakened by the incessant ringing of the phone. It’s Ah Wei’s stock dealer on the phone,”Hey! Hot tip hot tip! Stock ABC is shooting up. Put your money in!!!” Overwhelmed by gratitude and appreciation (Dale Carnegie, my idol, says that you have to show gratitude and appreciation so that people will work harder for you…), Ah Wei puts a hell lot of $$ into ABC and falls back to sleep. Therefore, the price goes up even higher, as all the sleepy Ah Weis throw their money in.

The news spread like wildfire…. The next day, Ah Wei goes marketing and overhears the auntie at the fish stall tell the ah ma at the pork stall,“Waa! Hot Tip! My son’s dealer called him in the middle of the night to put in $$ for ABC! Waaa!! Guess what! This morning, the ABC REALLY go up by 100 points!!!! Eh! You want to put $$ in? I’m going to look at the tv screen (she’s referring to the updating of the stock prices at the dealing companies), then I’m going to put in all my savings! Won’t go wrong wan!!!!” So Auntie and Ah Ma go hand-in-hand to watch “tv” and put even more money in!!!

Satisfied with the earnings, now that price of ABC has shot up all the way to the sky, the big instituitional investors decide to perform a massive sell action. With the exit of such a huge amount of fund, the price plunges……… while the aunties and uncles are rejoicing in their sleep over their good buy.

The dealers are alerted to the sudden plunge, so they save their own skins first by quickly selling their shares. “Heng! At least i have made a bit of profit! Oh yeah! Have to call up Ah Wei to tell her about this!!”

Awakened in the middle of the night by the irritating telephone ringing again. Damn! I should have unplugged the phone before I sleep. “What.. what?! Sell!? Stock is plunging?! ok ok! Sell everything for me!!!” Ahhh!! There goes my investment! Have to start saving up again!

Some days later, when Ah Wei goes marketing, the fish stall is closed and another ah ma is selling pork at the stall…. The newspapers are splashed with stories of people turning into paupers overnight… people jumping off high rise buildings…. The red skull (Is my drawing so bad that you can’t tell that it’s a skull!!!! ok ok, you have to remember that I draw it with a touchpad….)signifies an end…

Therefore, when everyone is buying a certain stock, it’s time to move out….

He he… It’s easier to preach and practise…. Take the advice at your own risk.

I have just finished the first chapter of Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends & Influence People”, in my endeavour to become a better person. One gold nugget which I have gleaned from the first few pages is :

Don’t criticize, condemn or complain – Dale Carnegie
In front of the said person. – Ah Wei

By criticizing people, according to Dale, would not turn them towards the right path, but would only fuel their determination to go against you. Ahh…! Therefore, never never never do that.

On the other hand, if you are not honest with yourself, you will probably suffer internal injuries from suppressing your feelings. Mark Twain (if you do not recognise this famous author, you have just earned the right to kick yourself in the butt, as I was saying… ) had a fiery hot temper and had written stinging letters to people who have incurred his wrath. They allowed him to let off steam (saving himself some internal injuries) and the letters did not do anyone any harm, because his wife had secretly lifted them from his mail. See, they were never sent.

From this excellent example, I conclude that, it’s alright to criticize, complain and condemn people, so that you don’t go crazy from suppressing your feelings, as long as the said people are unaware.

Therefore, to be a better person, I shall continue to criticize, complain and condemn people (it’s stressful to work in little Old Singapore) behind their backs, as long as they are unaware of it!

Thanks Dale!

Rubbish is taken very seriously in Germany, where I have stayed for a year. The green glass bottles go into one bin, white ones another, plastic stuff in yet another and paper ones are stacked up on top of others. There! Every rubbish has its own special place. You can even bring your glass bottles back to the supermarket in exchange for money!

During one of the “cultural exchange” moments, my German colleagues were wow-ing over Singapore’s amazing invention – the fabulous Rubbish Eatosaurus. Singaporeans just need to open the Rubbish Eatosaurus, either concealed in their kitchen somewhere, or situated near the lift, flick the waste in and presto! Everything’s taken care off. Then the waste travels down the magic tunnel and little elves clear them early in the morning and melt away in the beams of dawn before any Singaporean awakens. Magical eh?

YET, more than a few times, I have discovered rubbish in the lift!!! Is the magical Rubbish Eatosaurus not enough for these Singaporeans?! Do they need to treat the elevator as one as well?! Or maybe their hands were so wasted that they had not the strength to open the door of the Eatosaurus, and yet had the energy to truck the rubbish to the elevator and pile them in a corner.

Strangely, after 1 day, the rubbish also mysteriously disappeared. Must have been those hardworking elves. It would have been heaven’s justice if the elves could wave their arms and teleport the “rubbish” back to the culprit’s home. Hmm… where would be a great place to leave them? *ponder* How about smack right in the center of their living room, so that it can be admired from all angles?

Goodness Gracious! Guess what I’ve stumbled upon while I was blog surfing?! Try reading this! I’m not sure if this is a generation gap or what. I simply can’t understand the “English” of the Generation Y/Z/whathaveyous(I’ve checked the mirror, I’m really not THAT old!!), or if it’s a new language altogether!!

bad dae!!!! =/

another dae of feelin low ah =/ . haish* duno y also . hmmm 2dae work is lyk i was so quiet than other dae. no much voice heard frm mi today. everione was shocked lyk tt. come console mi . thnk pals, i ok =)*

then ck they all come find mi n jashua nor, sho gd sia they all, 1st time x=. then we go to suntec coz ck wana haf lunch. all see him eeat onli x= . den aft tt, we went to arcade. joey n bernard wanna play initial D . see them play i feel like playin also. then i gt play, how i wish i can realli go 4 the spin ~

Actually, I still can’t decipher some of the words. Thinking of taking up a course in cryptography or something…. This is simply amazing. This is either “realli bad eng” or a very complicated piece of code.

One more blog today! This is a BONUS addition. You read one entry and you get one more free!! This is worth US$25!! Doesn’t that look familiar? That’s what all the internet marketing websites do to promote their products. Right, I’m deviating……

Right. Fast Food Joint. Everyone simply loves a joint. You get air conditioning. You don’t get threatening glares at your back or people hovering over you, in fact, almost falling over you as you take a last sip of your bak kut teh soup. You don’t get waiters or waitresses asking you for your orders, politely hinting,”hey! Get your ass off the seat! You are holding up our other customers!”

Where I work, there are tonnes of fast food joints. (My personal favourite is the Macs at Boat Quay, discounting its north pole-like air con system.) Burger King, Mos Burger, Macs, Subway, Yoshinoya… you name it, you get it. Too bad there isn’t a KFC. Hey! KFC! Are you reading this! Open a joint at Shenton! Burger King at OUB Centre is another one that I frequent. Big, spacious….Full of insurance agents and MLM people.

Yeah, that’s right. According to Ah Wei’s statistics, (hah! You must be wondering how many times I frequent a joint in one day. THat’s besides the point!), only 2 out of 10 parties do not belong to this group of people. Every time I sit down at a table in BK, the person on my left, would be explaining some policy and sliming the rest of the insurance companies/agents. On my right, the person would be pointing excitedly at a file, about how fast you can get rich on an MLM fastrack career and that Robert Kiyosaki has endorsed it, before proceeding to urge the prospect to read Robert Kiyosaki’s book – Business School (something like that).

Well, I don’t have anything against insurance agents or MLM sales agents. Hell! One of my good friends is from the insurance industry and my very own brother is a financial planner! Some of my friends are from MLMs.

There’s a joke going around, that if you pick up a rock and throw it at a crowd of people, chances are, you will hit an insurance agent or an MLM agent. I didn’t start this joke, so don’t spam my email.

Anyway, as I was saying (I have this fond habit of wandering off-topic), BK… Right, our favourite guessing game in BK, would be :

1. Which insurance/MLM company is he from? The right answer gets a stick of french fries.

2. The common mistakes of a salesperson.

3. Will he close the deal?

One day, Laval decided that he’s sick of the game and of hearing the same old scripts again and again. You can’t help but hear them, when they are sitting around you!! So he suggested that we go to Yoshinoya and he thought it was a brilliant idea, because it’s a rather small place, so according to probability calculations, we should have a smaller chance of meeting them.

So we uprooted ourselves and trudged to Yoshi. Hey! Great! No agents there at all. We were going to dig into our beef bowls, when, an insurance agent (I think he’s from GE), came in with his client. At this point of time, Laval went mad, stood up and started screaming, “why are they everywhere?!”

Ok ok, so he didn’t do that in public! I would have dug a hole with my chopsticks and hide in it if he did. But I’m sure that’s what he was thinking as he rolled his eyes.

Personally, I as just wondering, how effective is it, to do a review with a client at a fast food joint? I had the unenviable experience of doing a presentation to a client in Macs. That’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience, because, I will never do that again! Hah! I had to scream at my client at the top of my lungs, to combat the noise level raised by the pesky kids and chattering people. At the end of the day, I was not sure if he even heard a word. As expected, the deal wasn’t closed. Ineffective, ineffective. Besides, every one in the joint would have known how much you are insured for, etc.

My boss would scream at us, “I spent a 6-figure sum to rent this swanky office and 1 million dollars on renovation, just for you to do your presentation at MACS!?”

For me, I usually request that my clients meet me at my office. One of my friends commented,”Eh.. Miss, do you think you are still a purchaser? So Dao (hoity-toity in Hokkien)! Make the clients come to your office?! How to do sales like this?!”

“My office is nice mah! You can see boats cruising by and you even get free kopi (coffee)!! Cheaper than going to fast food joints!”

Hmm… Come to think of it. Maybe I shouldn’t put up this article at all. If all the insurance agents and MLM salespeople boycott my blog, then no one will ever read it again?! Heck lar! *Bo Chap! Not as if I’m enjoying 10000 hits a day anyway!

*Bo Chap = I can’t care less! (Local dialect)

According to the dictionary,

I-ri-do-lo-gy
Study of the iris, especially as associated with disease.

I had the privilege to meet an Iridologist (Oh wowee!) on Sat at the Malay Heritage Centre (Don’t ask me what I was doing there on a fine Sat morning/afternoon, when I could have been doing something better! Grrr…!! That’s another story altogether!). Someone was giving away flyers about iridology (I’m 100% certain that it’s been plagarised from some iridology website). So, to kill my boredom, I abandoned my colleague at my stall (one of the stalls at the Vanity and Wellness Fair, supposedly targetted at professional women. Guess their idea of professional women and mine are on the extreme ends of the scale… )and sneaked off to walk around the rest of the stalls and exhibits.

I met Thye San, wandering around out of boredom as well, at the Iridology stall. Ahh.. This looked like something that’s more intriguing than the rest. The people behind the stall were all self-professed iridology. Apparently, they would check your iris for illnesses and then recommend a supplement from their stash of MLM products to improve on the condition.

Ok, fine. After a few encouraging words and nudges from me, Thye San asked if the “iridologist” could try giving him a diagnosis. The Malay man, in his 50s, took off his spectacles and peered into Thye San’s eyes, or irises, to be specific, and nodded knowingly every few seconds. Then he took off his spectacles and took a deep breath…… (Me too, I was eager to hear some earth shaking diagnosis here, wowee, a reeaaaal iridologist.)

With a sagacious air, he drawled,”You frequently get headaches….” (wowee! what a revelation!!!)
TS : Yes! You are right! I often get headaches!
SOM (Sagacious old man) : Right, you always think very hard. (rewarded by me rolling my eyes and TS nodding enthusiastically)
TS : Right, sometimes I get headaches after long hours of work.

So the SOM went on to introduce some supplements which would cure this ailment. There was a horde of Malay aunties standing beside the SOM, pushing products towards TS.

A younger Malay man (in his 30s, I think) came up and stared into my eyes. I got such a shock that my eyes went glassy. (Don’t be surprised, he could even give me a diagnosis even after my eyes glazed over.) I think he has a lot to learn from the SOM, beginning with iriodolgy 101, how not to alarm your customers. Anyway, he too, gave me the exact same knowing look (ah, must have learnt that in iriodolgy beginner’s course) and said,”You have a problem with skin allergy.”

“What What!?” I sputtered. “No I don’t.”
“Yes you do.” (Now who the heck is he to tell me that I have skin allergy when I don’t!)
“Now look here. I have only had rashes twice on my arms TWICE in my whole life!”
“THere you see! Like what I said, you have skin allergy.” (DUH!)
Refusing to argue with a moron, I decided to agree with him. “Hey! You are right! I DO have skin allergy.”
With my ardent agreement, he smiled at me and recommended supplements to combat that. (Why me?!)

Moral of the Story : If you do want to pretend to be a iridologist, at least get to know the top 10 problems which most Singaporeans have. If I were to do it, my diagnosis would probably be :

Stress (Most Singaporeans are stressed up over one thing or other anyway. High Hit Rate.)
Lack of Sleep
Difficulty in Sleeping
Headache
Myopia (Now that’s easy! I will probably peer into my customer’s eyes, spot the contact lenses and cheerfully tell him that he has myopia. Duh!)

See! I will definitely make a great Iridologist! At least a better one than those 2!