I swear if I hear these words uttered to me again, “You will just experienced a mild discomfort.”, I may turn violent on that person!!
I had to choose between 2 procedures – Amniocentesis and Chorionic Villus Sampling (CVS), to dispel all doubts of chromosomal disorder of the foetus (well up to 98%, they always like to leave a disclaimer behind). All part and parcel of being an overaged Mom. It was quite a no-brainer. The Amniocentesis requires the use of a really thin needle, the procedure takes only 1 minute whereas the CVS requires a much thicker needle and the procedure takes 15 mins?! The difference is that you get to do the CVS and of course, know the truth earlier. I’d rather be kept in the dark for a few more weeks and opted for the thinner needle and shorter procedure time.
This Amniocentesis was quite a bother. The first time just before I went, I developed a high fever. We called up the center and they assured us that we could go ahead with it and so of course, being the non-experts in the field, we went down to the hospital. We spent a good 1 hour doing the prescan, typical waiting for the doctor’s grand arrival before the doctor told us that it’s best not to go through it as fever indicated an infection. There’s no point taking a risk as there’s 0.3% chance of miscarriage. Ok fine… we trudged home…
It was rescheduled for 2 weeks, to allow the fever and whatever infection to pass out of my system before we attempt it again. So yesterday was THE day. There were 1 nurse and 2 doctors in the room. One doctor was responsible for monitoring the position of the foetus so that he wouldn’t get in the way of the needle. “You will just experience a mild discomfort.” Uh huh… ok. Mild right?! Easy Peasy! Although I couldn’t imagine how a needle that could go through all the layers of fats, right into the womb with just a mild discomfort, but I just had to trust the expert right??
The main doctor was still on the phone when I was on the couch. Hmm.. must be really a piece of cake to him.. The nurse said “relax, relax..” when she noticed me clenching my fists and my legs were pointing in an awkward position. I read from the net that they could take really long to find the right position. My baby must have been really coorperative… it took them a mere 3 mins! The doctor poked my tummy with his finger (I could see it on the screen), made a mark, swabbed it with iodine etc.
Then i saw the needle…. for just a few mere seconds before it was plunged into my tummy… OWWWwww!!!!! WTF!! What kind of mild discomfort was that?! Just when I thought that’s it, he pushed it in and I felt it go through another barrier and OWWWwww!! Then another time! I could see it sticking into the liquid through the monitor and then I heard, “the fluid is not coming through”, then I felt a twist (I swear my eyes must have rolled behind my head!). I was busy counting seconds in my mind to take the attention off the pain. The monitoring doctor said in a reassuring voice, “mild discomfort only.. ok?” At that point, I felt like jumping up from the examining table, flung him onto it and pierce the needle into him, twist it a few times and say in an evil voice, “Don’t worry.. it’s just a MILD DISCOMFORT!!”
Anyway, they said it was for only 1 minute right?! Well! They were lying!!! It was at least 3 minutes!!! And minus the time taken to overcome the initial shock at the pain that I forgot to start counting. I saw them fill a huge tube with amniotic fluid taken from me, while feeling the foreign object inside me… Finally I saw the nurse nodding her head, indicating that it was enough. They pulled the needle out and stuck a plaster on me and I was advised to rest for 30-45 mins so that the blood would clot. Bedrest was prescribed for 2 days… and monitoring for 2 weeks.
When I described the whole thing to my hub, including my fantasy, he said, the doctor would probably not survive that. Afterall, men had lower pain tolerance than women. That’s why if men were the ones who had to go through giving birth, Earth’s population would have dwindled to none. Too painful lar… Hmm.. ok that made me feel better…
But still.. if I hear the words “Mild Discomfort” from anyone, in whatever context, I swear I will plunge a needle into him/her!!