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Please Let Her Remember Me.

Please Let Her Remember Me.

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I haven’t been sad, really, really sad for a long, long time. Angry, yes, many times. But today is truly a sad day.

My grandmother has been hospitalised due to a stroke. The doctor classified it as a mild stroke, because she has a slightly slurred speech and her hands aren’t as nimble as they used to be.

That’s what I thought too. Until I visited her with 小小宝贝 this evening.

She asked me, “why did you rent your house out?” I simply didn’t get it. Huh?

“What are you talking about?”

It went back and forth until it suddenly occurred to me that, she’s referring to her ward. And the nurse was the maid and the guy in the next bed was the “tenant”!

“This is Changi hospital!”

“What Changi hospital? It’s your house! There’s no such hospital called Changi hospital!” (She stayed there for 1 week just a month back.)

Then she proceeded to call my son my cousin’s name. My heart sank.

“Do you know who I am?”

She looked at me in bewilderment. A part of me died. I am her favourite grandchild and she doesn’t remember me. We slept in the same bed for the first 10 years of my life. And we shared the same room until I got married. I was her everything, until my brother came along. Then both of us were her everything, with me having a bigger share.

After a long while, she finally managed to say my name. She remembered 小小宝贝.

Suddenly she asked me where my brother was.  I told her, “Germany. For work.” Her reply was, “What are you talking about? He’s in primary six!”

Her memories have been jumbled up. She mixes up the past and the present.

She played with 小小宝贝 for a while. It made her happy.

I sat there, looking at her while she was playing with him. My grandmother, who is my pillar of strength, with the most lucid mind, can’t really remember me. I know, because she asked me for.. me. I’d never thought that this can ever happen to me. This only happens in movies, dramas, but not, to me.

Today, I have lost something precious.  I hope she remembers me when I see her tomorrow.

We hugged and kissed her and told her that we loved her. She sat in her chair, smiling and waving at us as we left the ward.

Last week we had lunch with her at home and when we left, we also hugged her and kissed her and she waved good bye.

But today, she doesn’t remember me.

I realise today, that the most painful thing on Earth, is to be forgotten by the person who loved you the most.

Our recent family photo during 宝贝’s birthday celebration
Something from the Past – Sweet Valley High

Something from the Past – Sweet Valley High

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I’ve almost forgotten about this series of books until I stumbled upon this article.

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Memories of me borrowing these books from the small little 2nd hand book store, which has since closed down years ago, came back to me. I was reading as fast as I could. I was only reading the classical fairy tales, nancy drew, hardy boys etc before this.

Sweet Valley High was the first series of teenage romance that I came across. It was a whole new world out there. I was fascinated by the glitzy lives of Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield.

However, I suspect that if I were to reread them now, I would probably find them frivolous and childish.

I loved the Narnia series by CS Lewis when I was a child. A few years ago, I decided to add them to my collection when some anniversary hard cover edition was released. I ordered them from Amazon and couldn’t wait to get my hands on them. I read them again.

I found that I didn’t enjoy them as much as I did. As a child they were magical, as an adult, they were too simplified. Maybe I’ve grown jaded through the years. Things are no longer black and white like a child’s book, but in shades of grey.

Memories are best left alone when they are beautiful and good. In a way, I’m glad that I read and enjoyed so many books when I was a little girl. My parents allowed me to do things that pleased me and brought me to wonderful new places.

As we grow up, we need to move on and create new memories for our future. Once in a while, it’s nice to remember that I’ve been there and done that. So if you want to do something, do it NOW. So that you wouldn’t have the chance to look back and wonder, “what if”….

The next time I read an Enid Blyton, is probably with my little girl. For her to create her own beautiful memories, whether they are of fairy tales or real life experiences.