My One Cent Worth of Thoughts

Do you remember when you were in primary school and your English teacher always wrote the first few words of a sentence on the blackboard (Yes… no white boards during my dinosaur era. I simply loved eating chalk dust. =p) and expected you to churn up a few pages of writing from that? Well, that’s simply what I’m doing.

I simply cannot understand why people would spend $7 per hour to employ a telemarketeer to do *cold calling. And YET instead of letting the telemarketeer call in peace, engage them in chit chat. Hmm… It doesn’t sound like a very good business plan to me because, aren’t they paying the telemarketeer to chit chat with them?! Hey! I can even do it for free!! Good money eh? So the telemarketeer called 1 person, got very kindly rejected by that person, turned to the “employer” and said,”how arh? got rejected.” Then the “employer” indulged in 30 mins of chit chat, out of which only 5 mins was dedicated to the original problem.

I simply cannot understand why people would pay $7 per hour for someone to chit chat with them. AND it’s not even dirty talk.

*cold calling refers to the activity of obtaining a list of contacts (usually made up of strangers), picking up the phone and calling them to interest in a service or product which one is marketing. If you need a better definition, there’s always Google out there. If you don’t know how to Google, please consult a kindergarten going child.

This is interesting. Kok Wai thought of the tenth reason for me :
– The restroom was haunted. So they kept the doors open and talked loudly to make sure that they were still around and to scare the “ghosts” away.

Armed with the mission of acquiring my first branded bag, my two bodyguards-cum-shopping consultants (Julie and Brenda) and I decided to storm the DFS building down at Orchard Road. Even the most mission oriented soldier would need to answer nature’s call, which, of course, brought us to the posh DFS restrooms.

Once we went through the main door, we were greeted by a ceaseless chatter from the cubicles. Instinctively, we proceeded to the cubicles and we caught two women with their pants down – literally. Do I sound like I’m joking? Seated on two toilet bowls, in two separate cubicles were two women, well, with their pant’s down and animatedly chatting to each other in a chinese dialect, with the doors WIDE OPEN. One of them was wearing a bright red suit. Not only that, they were oblivious to our presence. I checked the door to my cubicle, it was working.

There were a few conclusions I could derive :
1. The doors were for decorative purposes.
2. They did not know how to use the doors.
3. It must have been culturally impolite to close your doors while using the toilet.
4. The doors would hinder the conversation and they wouldn’t be able to hear each other. However, I highly doubt this as they were loud enough to be heard from outside the toilets (That was with the buffer of 1 door – the main one, because their cubicle doors were not closed.)
5. To air the place
6. To share the mutual joy of relief of nature’s call.
7. To show off the branded underwear. (I was too embarrassed to scrutinise the brands. Looked white from far though.)
8. They forgot to bring their umbrellas.
9. They were in a hurry to use the facilities.

I simply can’t think of another reason to make it ten. Therefore, as you can see, it is not necessary to travel overseas to experience cultural exchange. It can happen right under our noses, in the restrooms.

It is yet another trying morning to get myself to the office, which fortunately (with the beautiful waterfront view) or unfortunately, sits smack in the middle of the CBD. With the new ERP schemes in place, traffic does not seem to have subsided under the pressure of the amount of dollars and cents ticking away from the cashcard.

In fact, I have already lost count of the timing and prices of the various gantries. When the ERP initially started, everyone was faithfully keeping track of it and we even had cars queueing on the shoulder of the road to save a few cents for the next cheaper time slot. But now, it was “Hey! When was this stupid gantry erected?! It wasn’t here 3 months back! &#@%$#”

The gantries have been popping up like mushrooms in the most unlikely places! And now, if you try to get home between 6-8pm, you even have to pay! What is this about work-life balance? Are you going to stick around in the office until it is after 8pm? Or are you going to ignore it and join the crowd in paying for it and jamming up the roads? Seems like the plans of the Ministry of Transport and the Singapore Family Planning and Population Board are in conflict? How are we going to have more children and population growth if the parents are not going to be home because they need to avoid paying for the ERP? And the BIG question looms – WILL the SUCCESS of the ERP be at the COST of Singapore’s future BABIES?!!!

Anyway, that is a sidetrack. As I was saying/writing, I have lost count of where/when/how much it cost to get through the gantries, so I simply gave up and stuck to my usual driving habits and just pay LOR…. According to my survey (more like being kapo(nosy) during tea-time), my survey subjects have also given up on remembering the details of the ERP gantries and have stuck to their normal driving times… So HAS THE ERP HELPED?! Right, it has definitely helped in increasing the amount that I need to top up the cashcard though. =p

Soon, you will see the article issued from the LTA on how “after the implementation of the this and this gantry on the this and this place, with the increase of this and this amount of dollars on this and this timing, the average speed on this and this stretch of road has crawled from 30km/h to 32km/h. Congratulations! The ERP has been a tremendous success! With this in view, we will continue to keep this in place until the average speed has finally increased miniscularly to 34km/h.” I have always wondered how the average speeds were measured… definitely not through the speedometer of my car… Looking at it from their perspective, they simply cannot announce that “oh! We have built gantries all over Singapore and increased the toll prices but there is simply no change in the bottleneck situations. We have just as many cars on the road and just as much traffic jam around.” When a problem crops up, they have to do something about it, whether or not it works, is a separate matter..

They call it the Electronic Road Pricing, I call it the Ever Redundant Plan.

Feeling very satisfied after a full “Fei Siong” (Char Bee Hoon = Fried Noodles) meal, I joined a couple who were waiting for the elevator to arrive. As usual, when the elevator arrived, the LED lit up and the most logical thing to do, was to walk in. The guy (uncle) turned to the lady (auntie) and asked her,”Is this going up or down?” She turned to me (DUH!) and asked me “up or down?”

1. Shouldn’t she be asking the people IN the lift?! (At that time, people were spilling out of the lift.)
2. We were at Plaza Singapura, Level B2! (If you are not familiar with Plaza Singapura, that is the lowest level.) YOU tell me whether it’s going up or down! Going down the lift shaft at this point of time would be highly life threatening!!

Anyway, I forced my eyeballs from rolling and answered her with a straight face, “UP.”

So, we all went in… happily… While in the elevator, SHE gave ME the incredulous look! As if I were the idiot! She probably peeked at the buttons on the panel.

Sheesh! I heard that suppressing one’s natural reactions is unhealthy, it’s probably as bad as stiffling your urge to go to the toilet. I should have told her,”Auntie, this is the lowest level. I hope the lift doesn’t go down anymore.” and give her the “you are siao” look.

“Morning! You are Early!”
Isn’t there a strange morning greeting?! What’s even stranger is, I am there, at the same time, at the same seat every single day. The strangest thing is, the people who usually say that, are never this early.

I find it as senseless as “Have you eaten today?” Of course, I have eaten today! If I don’t eat every day, you won’t have the chance to speak to me, right? I mean, if you have nothing better to say, then just smile (practise our Singapore’s 4 million smiles campaign) and walk off, instead of saying something lame for the sake of saying something.

Some poor excuses of conversation fillers:
1. Have you eaten?
2. Have you eaten and are you full? (DUH! Most commonly used by people of the older generation)
3. Are you working today? (When you are in a suit and carrying a laptop. Gosh, no, I’m wearing the suit for fun and I’m actually carrying my laptop around to watch YouTube and to play Age of Empire!)
4. Is your work very tiring? (No, it’s certainly a breeze.)
5. When are you getting a boyfriend? (The inevitable question, if you are still single.)
6. When are you getting married? (After you have satisfied Qn 5, they go on to the next one.)
7. When are you getting your first baby? (A followup question for qn 6)
8. When are you getting your next baby? (Yet, another followup questions to qn 7. I mean, is it part of their business if I’m getting a boyfriend, a husband, a baby or yet another baby or a divorce etc?! Sheesh! Why don’t they ask me when’s my birthday and give me a present for it?!)

These are the more commonly asked questions. Will add on to the list when I think of more.

I have never pondered over this question before, until, one fine Sunday, when I went shopping at Plaza Singapura.

The hunt for a birthday gift brought me to an accessories shop at Plaza Sing. (What’s new?! I’m here every Sunday! Haha! So now you know, all my gifts were bought from here.) There was an array of glass necklaces, earrings etc. A very friendly teenybopper salesgirl bounded up to me and cheerfully asked me if I needed her service. Why not??

Ahwei: I’m looking for a birthday present for my friend. Maybe a bracelet.
Salesgirl: Let me show you some nice ones. (She brought out a few.)
Ahwei: I’m thinking of getting her something which she can wear to work and all these look too casual.
Salesgirl: Maybe you could give me a description of what your friend looks like so that I can make some recommendations.
Ahwei: Well, she is description.
Salesgirl: How old is she?
Ahwei: Around 30.
Salesgirl: Oh, she’s middle aged. I have some suirable ones for her. (She said it absolutely candidly and with conviction!!!)

Hmm….. Darn! Have I just left my youth behind and moved into middle age without knowing it?! *sob sob*

Sheesh.. I have always thought that middle age refered to at least age 40, since the expectancy of humans has stretched to age 80….

Feeling very perturbed over this, I checked an online dictionary (not only that, it’s a MEDICAL dictionary!!). Here’s what it said :

mid·dle age
n. The time of human life between youth and old age, usually reckoned as the years between 40 and 60. Also called midlife.

Source: The American Heritage® Stedman’s Medical Dictionary
Copyright © 2002, 2001, 1995 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company.

So there! I’m right!! I’m still about 10 years (if you count the lower limit and another 30 years from the upper limit) away! So I’m still a youth!!

Tsk tsk! I should buy the salesgirl a dictionary… The English standard of the young youths in Singapore is deplorable….

I know I know, it’s sinful to eat KFC. Believe me, I have repented in the last few days and have been feeling very remorseful since.

But but, it was really tiring to go through one whole hour of saxophone class, so i decided to reward myself with a dose of KFC. I was patiently waiting for my order to be assembled when a voice boomed behind me,”Look here!” An uncle in T-shirt and berms was poking aggressively at his KFC discount coupons (almost making holes in them) and without a polite word of “excuse me”, he started barking at the cashier.

“I ordered this, this and this so I should get 4 drinks, why did you only give me 3?! If I didn’t count (as if it was so difficult to count from 3 to 4… duh.. wonder where he went to receive his primary school education), you would have CHEATED me of 1 drink!!”

I was just wondering, was his one miserable drink so expensive that KFC had to resort to cheating him out of it and he had to shout at someone about it. Sheesh…

The poor girl apologised fervently and gave him one drink. He threw her a malevolent look and stormed off. Gosh! What an attitude!! Who did he think he was?? It’s just a drink, for goodness’ sake…

Anyway, being nosier than usual, I took a seat near to his happy little family which consisted of him, his wife and 2 children. Throughout the whole meal, not many words were exchanged and he continued eating with a sour look on his face. At that point of time, I regretted (again..) that I didn’t buy a camera phone, so that I could snap his face on the spot and post it here!!! Ack!

Didn’t look like there was much communication going on there, and I wondered why… It would like quite strange if I were alone and was communicating with myself, but i can’t imagine eating my lunch in silence if there were 3 other people I know around me.

So, there I was, feeling pity for the counter girl and “kapoing” at them from the corner of my eyes. He finished first and started digging at his teeth.. IN PUBLIC!! (regretted not buying a camera phone, again..) Feeling something beneath his slippers, he turned it up and… flicked a little bit of chicken stuck to the sole with his finger (YES! THE SAME ONE HE USED TO DIG AT HIS TEETH!) and then… he DUG AT HIS TEETH AGAIN! EEeewwww….!!!!

This was a typical someone who had no sense of hygiene and thought that he could scold others just because he could count more than 3 and had the money to buy KFC. Duh!! An interesting thought popped up,”Would his children grow up to be like him?” *Shiver* He just multiplied himself by 2x…(2 children mah! Can’t you count??!!)

I have initially wanted to create a post on more MRT stuff, until I read Pig’s most recent entry. Hey! What are friends for?! I should write something about a friend than a bunch of nameless strangers on the MRT, right??

Can you imagine eating something that you KNOW that you have kept it around for one whole year in the humid environment of this country? Awwww…. Yep! That was my first reaction!

I have seen his oatmeal concoction when I visited him once. “Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder” It stands true even for food. I thought it resembled something, which I had expelled from my stomach when I had food poisoning once, but then again, it looked like gourmet dinner to him. *Shrug* Oh well, to each his own. So you get the idea what it actually looks like. “The porridge-like texture and the taste is a combination die for — what more can I ask for? – quotation from Pig I wonder if this sentence has a double meaning to it. *ponder* (It’s a pity I didn’t take the opportunity to capture it with a camera. Time to get a camera phone!)

On top of this, he gobbled it down even though he discovered some strange bits floating in it. *sigh*

Is it so difficult to prepare a healthy meal without eating vomit-like oatmeal with dead insects floating on it?

Pig, here’s a simple recipe for you. If you are really going vegetarian, just cook a little rice/porridge. Get some nice leafy xiao bai cai, boil them for one minute and pour oyster sauce over them. I guarantee that they have a more pleasing aesthetic effect and more nutrients than your strange looking oatmeal. Simple enough for lazy you?

P.S Knowing him, he will probably pen a sarcastic comment later. However, in order to prove me wrong, he may forcefully restrain himself from writing the comment.

A survey on MRT riding habits.

1. At the entrance, do you
a. try to rub your big fat black bag over the ezlink sensor (a few times, that is, because the ezlink card in your bag has shifted from left to right)(especially if you are an auntie with a really big bag), valiantly enduring the scathing looks from the peak hour commuters behind you?
b. tap the sensor lightly with your ultra slim card holder?
c. pull your brakes just before the gantry, causing other commuters to collide headlong into you, before you dig into your bag to search for your ezlink card for a full 10 mins?

2. After you have painstakingly crossed the gantry, do you
a. run down the stairs to try to beat the rest of the commuters on the escalators, as it makes good sense to do a little exercise everyday?
b. stand beside someone on the right side of the escalator, being the only person standing in the right, enduring the daggered looks of the person behind you and hot breaths down your neck, while blissfully looking around, enjoying the scenary?
c. try to run down the right side of the escalator (to try to beat Mr. A), only to find Mr. B blissfully blocking your way?

3. After crossing rivers and mountains, when you have finally reached the platform, do you
a. lean against the glass panels like a spineless creature
b. ignore the yellow markings on the ground and stick your nose against the glass doors, because you are so shortsighted that you can’t even see the doors (and the yellow markings) at all?
c. find a small seat between 2 people and squeeze yourself between them, causing one of them of fall off his/her end of the seat, just so that you can expand the size of your bum (my friend has this theory that women’s bums grows due to prolonged sitting in the offices)? Now I’m Ms C here. Do you notice that, no matter how wide the space is, the 2 people will definitely shift themselves to give up miniscular amount of unneccessary space? Must be the human space I’m talking about. Hehe, I simple love to see people squim. Muahahaha.

4. When the MRT doors open with loads and loads of people in the 100m starting race position, do you
a. bash straight into them, rugby style, because you simply can’t understand a very simple theory in physics that, in order for something to enter a full container, things must come out first?
b. stand at the side politely, while all the Mr. and Ms. As are bashing each other silly, to find that, when the mrt bells chime, there isn’t any space for you, then resignedly wait for the next train?
c. turn ninja style and slowly edge from the side of the door and squirm yourself through the crowd?

Please write your answers in my comments (blabber) box. This post is in no way related to the SMRT and any similar reference is purely personal.