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Category: Tongue in Cheek

Some quirks in life that I have observed from idling on the mrts or just anywhere in the world.

Ming Ming’s Diary – It’s Story Time!

Ming Ming’s Diary – It’s Story Time!

Hello everybody! Today I’m going to read you a book.

When you read you must sit up straight. Just like me. Let me show you my side profile. Yes, straight like me!

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Everybody, read after me. Say good night!

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That’s right. After you say good night, you sleep.

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Why am I wearing a bib when I sleep? Hmmm good question! You see, sometimes I dream of yummy things, so I need to be ready to eat them up anytime, anywhere! That’s it!! Yes! For dreamy yummy things!! Nom Nom Nom.

What do you mean I drool when I sleep. No way! Cute babies don’t drool. Only doggies drool. Do I look like a puppy to you?? ?

Hey stop interrupting my story telling! Now where was I?

Now read after me, the little boy jumped up and down in the mud. Hop hop hop.

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Like this!!! Fast hopping like me!! So fast that I’m a blur!! Faster than superman!! I’m super baby!!!

HEHEHE!

What? Energizer bunny? I’m no bunny. I’m superbaby!!!

I bet you can’t hop as fast as I can!!

Ming Ming’s Diary – Mama Can You Buy Me a Phone Pulease?!

Ming Ming’s Diary – Mama Can You Buy Me a Phone Pulease?!

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Have you missed me??? I was so sick sick sick yesterday. I thought that I was getting better but apparently yesterday was the turning point – downwards.

It hit me so fast and furious that I was k.o. My nose was dripping so much that I blew some bubbles with my nose!

No photo? Ya… Mama was out working so no phone = no photo. I was pretty impressed with my bubble blowing nose sigh..!!

I should ask Mama to get me a phone so that I don’t have to hunt for a phone in the house to take photos!!

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Mama can you buy me a phone pulease?!!

Do you think it’ll work?? My Jie Jie does this all the time. But it’s on Papa though… I wonder if it’ll work on Mama??

But she has bigger eyes than me, double eyelids, thick curly eyelashes and I don’t!!! Why don’t I have double eyelids??? So unfair!

In one of the fashion magazines that I read (I read magazines during lunch time. Of course I can read!! Check out my photos!!), I can perm my eyelashes.

And it also says that I can fly to Korea and get a double eyelid over lunch. Cool dude!!

Then I can join that Korean competition and make a video that says, “I’m proud to be a Singaporean!!”

Huh? If I save up all the money without eyelash perming and double lidding in Korea I’ll have enough for a smart phone or camera??

Hmm… You do have a point there…

Ok lor… I’ll continue to scavage for phones on the floors. Beggars can’t be choosers. ?

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What am I doing??? Guessss…

I’m catching my mucus in my cup so that it doesn’t drip onto the floor.

HEHEHEHE! Got cha!!! Of course not? Do I look like such a disgusting baby??? *brilliant smile*

I was only drinking my water. Replenishing water loss from my nose. ?

Ming Ming’s Diary – It’s Selfie Time!

Ming Ming’s Diary – It’s Selfie Time!

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Hey! Whose big fat trotter is that??

Oh.. It’s mine. ☺️ I’m still not very good with taking selfies yet. I need more practice…

I must remember not to put my hand in front of the camera while I’m taking photos…

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Oops!! Almost there! *mutter*

Stupid hand. Ming ming, aim properly.

Why are you sniggering?? I’m referring to my camera aiming. And NotWhatchaThinkingOf!! My aim in that area is flawless! I always managed to shoot myself in my face with my own pee.

But I heard that pee is not good for complexion so I stopped doing it.

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Finally!!! I managed to fit my fat face into the view. Butter fingers I have…

HeHehehehehe!

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There! Selfie 201. More advanced module. It is soooo amateurish to take selfies, looking directly at the camera.

It’s an art to do it au naturale. Look away, look stylo, look vogue.

There! Stylo is my middle name. That makes me Ming Stylo Ming. MSM!

Not MainStream Media!! Sigh! Noobs! It’s Ming Stylo Ming! What? Same acronym as Mainstream Media?? Tell them to change the acronym. It’ll henceforth be known as MM!! Ok!

I must go and trademark MSM.

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There! Another supermodel pose!

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Hmmm… I should send some of these to Elite model. I look so yummy.

How about this one? The looking down, shy, boy-next-door look?? The kind that girls want to bring home to show their moms??

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This one too??? Reaching up for the sky! Wow! I’m quite poetic, aren’t I?

I should just send them all in. So that they can see me from all angles. I’m after all a very versatile model.

Whhaaattt? Send them my nude photos too??? So that they can pitch me for Calvin Klein diaperwear??

Hmm… Worth considering, my Mama can save a lot of money from that. Maybe she can send me to Stanford with the money she saves? Yes? No?

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How about this one?? It’s an old photo of me. Stylo Milo Ming.
Mama said that I looked like Leon Lai in that old hk Sam Seng drama (whatever that means?!)

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Ah! A half nude one!! For my Calvin Klein Diaperwear! This one it shall be.

Huh? Full nude?! Cannot lar. It’s like playing cards. You can’t show hand. Or there’s no value left.

Just use your imagination! With all the yoga that I do, I’ve a killer body!

Ming Ming’s Diary – It’s All About Shaving!

Ming Ming’s Diary – It’s All About Shaving!

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I love it when my Mama puts me to bed. She hugs me and whispers to me “I love you Ming Ming!” Then she nuzzles my hair and kisses my forehead. ???

My Papa said, “Orh! That’s how you do it!! I’ll do the same thing!”

Sigh! That’s where the problem starts. My Papa doesn’t like to shave on weekends. When he nuzzles me, I feel like he’s trying to exfoliate my face. I told him, “nooo! I don’t need exfoliation!!” And he thinks I’m enjoying it. And nuzzles more!! ? Someone, save me!!!

Ming Ming’s Diary – Just Another Morning..!!

Ming Ming’s Diary – Just Another Morning..!!

Wakey wakey! It’s moorrrnnning!! Rise and SHINE!!

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C’mon guys! Wake up!! Look at the time!! The sun is shining on your butts!!

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Wakey people!!!!

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See! It’s so bright that I need to put on my sunglasses. And I’m starving!! I need breakfast dudes!!

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Oh yes! I look like a rock star. But even rock stars have to eat!

Hey! I heard you! What do you mean by 现在一条龙,等一下变成虫?! I ain’t no earthworm!! ???

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You are just plain jealous that I’ve a cute babe combing my hair for me.

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Huh?? You want her phone number?? Can.. That depends on how nice you are to me… Queue to jb already.

Why is everyone trying to bribe me with milk. I’m already eating purée.

My favourite?? Apple purée!! No apple no number!!

小小宝贝’s bedtime story

小小宝贝’s bedtime story

This feels like a déjà vu. When 宝贝 was around her brother’s age, we used to have bedtime talks. But nothing as violent as sumo wrestling, just pure talking.

Now it’s 小小宝贝’s turn. My children are all born chatter boxes. They started talking before they could walk.

We just started putting both of them to bed in the same room. Whilst 宝贝 is a wonderful sleeper (thank goodness!) who doesn’t wake up unless there’s an earthquake, 小小宝贝 doesn’t go to bed on time, gets up early and hates to sleep unless he’s forced to bed.

宝贝 has already fallen asleep. I was pretending to be asleep. 小小宝贝 was lying on his bed with his sister’s rabbit soft toy (named zhashi) which he has abducted and proclaimed that it’s his henceforth.

Deciding that he’s bored and not the least bit sleepy, he suddenly sat up with the rabbit in his arm.

“Zhashi is climbing up. Window is dirty. Zhashi clean window.”

I peeped at him discreetly.

The rascal was standing on his toes with his bunny at the window grills. He’s staging a “play” which revolved around a rabbit cleaner. ?

“Zhashi climbed high high. Aiyo! Zhashi fell down. Zhashi is pain pain.”

Then I heard sounds of mock crying. Waa..! Still have sound effects! At this point, I almost laughed out loud. It was so difficult to pretend to be sleep, keep a straight face and not laugh at his antics. He was rubbing his eyes, pretending to cry…

“Zhashi is tired. Zhashi sleep.” He gently put the bunny down on his pillow and covered the bunny with his own blanket. And laid down beside it.

Oh great! Finally he’s finally going to sleep!! ???

Within 5 mins he sat up again. Argh!!!! *pull out hair* ????

宝贝’s arm was dangling down from the side of her bed. He’s sleeping in a pull out between the wall and her bed. So her arm was practically beside his face. Too tempting!

He put his own hand in her hand and shook her hand. And laughed to himself. Then he started playing with his sister’s fingers. “1,2,3,4,5….” Then giggled to himself for reasons unknown to me. Then he started getting bolder and started tugging at her and pulling her hand.

Sigh! Why me!!

I sat up. And he stared at me in horror and screamed, ” no no! Mama sleep!!!”

“No! YOU sleep!”

With that I brought him down in a sumo hug, legs scissors crossed over him while he struggled. After 5 mins of screaming and struggling (amazingly, 宝贝 slept through the ruckus!), then all was quiet.

Mama 1 小小宝贝 0

Affordable Art Fair 2014

Affordable Art Fair 2014

I wanted to blog about 小小宝贝 but my phone memory is down to 0mb. Can’t take anymore photos with it. ? So I’m clearing my photo backlog.

Nat gave me 2 tickets to the AAF. Turned out that the person who was supposed to go with me couldn’t make it. Tried asking the people around me.
1. Wanted to go but not in SG or had prior appointment.
2. Eee! Simi Lai eh?! Art fair?? – cultural desert – you know who you are. Don’t want to name you niah!!

So I went there on my own. I used to wander into art galleries (well, pre-children days). Now I hardly have the chance to do that. So I thought I should take a day off. And maybe buy an art piece or two since it’s supposed to be affordable.

But, boy! Was I wrong! I should go to EAAF (extremely affordable art fair) not just AAF. Still out of my budget. ? I still can’t see myself forking out a few grand for a piece of art. I need to work harder and make more money. Nevertheless, I saw some paintings that I liked, some interesting ones and some which left me wondering, huh?! Like that also can?!

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This was the “huh! Like that also can?!” Expand it on your screen, yes, you are right! It’s made up of Lego figurines! And guess what was the price tag?? A whopping 10 grand!!! I counted. 330 figurines. I’ve already started my Lego figurine collection. Soon I’ll have my $10k art piece framed and hanging on my wall. Cool yah?!

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This one?? Just kidding. It’s an art piece by 小小宝贝.

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That’s the little artist hard at work. But… Kid you not! Some pieces really looked like that! I could have it up for sale and market him as the prodigal baby artist and make him work for his education fund.

Or else an abstract piece like this by 宝贝.

Preschooler drawing

Anyway, here are some which I liked or found them interesting.

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I like round and colourful things. This fits very aptly. Nice right? But I can’t afford it. So I snapped a photo of it for memory’s sake.

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This interesting dress was made out of a map on the contours of the Himalayas.

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Robot faces made from tin. Very retro!!

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That’s the joker on his motorbike. Muahahahah!

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Abstract looking Big Bird.

What? I like kiddy stuff?? Ok mah! Relieving my childhood!

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Colourful dog sculpture!

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Rush hour! Kind of reminded me of raffles place during peak hours. I like the layering of the pieces and the bold red and black colours.

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I like these 4 paintings depicting famous scenes in Singapore. The paintings were made up of only vertical and horizontal lines. Dabbed to form the images. Cool right? Within my budget but too bad.. Sold by the time I got there. I particularly liked these 2.

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Now this one… I really liked it a lot.

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It’s a marker drawing with clean lines. The central figure pushed past all obstacles, people to emerge from within. That’s my interpretation. I stood in front of it for the longest time ever. I went off to dutifully cover the grounds and then I came back again. But I couldn’t see myself shelling out 7 grand for that. I took a photo of it and forwarded to hub “nice or not?” “7k leh”

The reply was “you siao arh?! 7k for that?! You come home now! I draw one for you!!” So story over Loh….

Still, I’m looking forward to AAF 2015!

Wa Nang Si Hokkien Lang! (We are Hokkiens!)

Wa Nang Si Hokkien Lang! (We are Hokkiens!)

As the official chauffeur of the house, as usual, I was performing my duty of ferrying my bosses around.  I had to keep my eyes peeled on the roads as my bosses relaxed behind, indulging in light banter.

宝贝 :Simi Daiji?? (What’s up?)

小小宝贝 :Bo Daiji! (Nothing!)

宝贝 :Simi Daiji?? (What’s up?)

小小宝贝 :Wu Daiji! (Something!)

宝贝 :Siginna!! (Naughty! Well actually, the direct translation is something worse… Don’t learn lar!)

小小宝贝 :Siginna!! (Naughty!)

*Lots of giggling and shouting behind*

Me : Ooooiii!! Are the two of you doing some Hokkien talk show behind?!?! Speak English or Mandarin OK!!!! Sheesh!

宝贝 :OK Mama!!! Didi, Simi Daiji???

小小宝贝 :BO DAIJI!!

facepalm

Here we go again….

Kopitiam Talk!

Kopitiam Talk!

Hehe! It all started when Boonk asked, “Do you know what’s Andy Lau drink?” Huh? How would I know what Andy Lau likes to drink???

Hehe. He’s referring to a term that’s commonly used in our local kopitiam. Our local kopitiam drinks uncles have given nicknames to all the commonly ordered drinks.

If you want to immerse in our local kopitiam culture try ordering these drinks!!

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I’ve absolutely no idea how these names are derived. If you do, do leave a comment and enlighten all of us!

I’m venturing some guesses here:

Coke light = Lai kor – I think it’s due to the similar sounding words?

Milo = tuck kiu – the picture of someone kicking a ball on the packet

Chinese tea = diao yu – the tea bag resembles a fishing rod

Kickapoo = Kak Poh (frog) Similar sounding

Soya Bean mixed with Chin Chow = Michael Jackson – From his song Black and White (Or is it Black or white??)

Chrysanthemum tea = Ah Huay (Flower) – Chrysanthemum flowers

Sprite = Si Bai (Failure) – Similar Sounding

?? = Xiao Bai Tu (Little White Rabbit) -I seriously don’t know what drink this is!! If you do, let me know!! *a suggestion from Sharon (Thanks!) that it’s Pokka carrot juice. Makes sense!!

Mineral Water = Andy Lau – Named after his song “Wang Qing Shui” (Water to forget love?!)

Pepsi = Bek Ki Bek Lo (Climb up and down in hokkien) – Similar sounding to Pepsi’s Chinese name Ke Kou Ke Le (可口可乐) *Oops! Wrong Chinese name as pointed out by Boonk the pro. It should be 百事可乐 (bai shi ke le)

Water = Hang Qing Pai (Bad Economy) – No money so drink water lar!!

?? – Lang Lai Le (Here comes the wolf!) – I must confess that I don’t know this as well!! Can someone enlighten me?! *According to Ernest (who is part time kopitiam uncle) it is star fruit juice!! Because when the wolf comes, the sheep runs away 羊逃 it sounds similar to star fruit in mandarin.

Horlicks = Dai Ka Ho (Hi Everyone!) – Obviously the similar sounding word of Ho and Hor

I think it’s some birds’ nest drink  = Jiao Zhui (Bird water) – Picture of the bird on the can

 

That’s all, folks!! Something bo liao for today!

Tiger Mom! Cat Mom! Kitten Mom!

Tiger Mom! Cat Mom! Kitten Mom!

I was in two minds, whether or not to blog about this. But, with the exuberant encouragement from JH, I have decided to embark on this perilous project and pray that I don’t get unfriended. Haha.

I just had dinner with 2 long time friends. Well it was supposed to be 5 of us. But one flew our aeroplane ✈️ (double booked and decided to bail out on us) and we flew an aeroplane on another one because of a science test (or was it maths?? Never mind…).

Ok. Back to the topic…. I was never a very “children” person. Before I had one of my own, when I went out with my “mom status” friends, by the time they were 10 minutes into kids’ talk, my mind had wandered off and my eyes glazed over. Ya. I was THAT bad. I’m happy to say that, now that I’ve my own children, I’m a lot better. My attention span on such topics has greatly improved.

Well, what can 3 Mommies talk about over dinner?? Obviously, kids lah! This time it’s about education!

Boy oh boy! The very much controversial topic. Yes. We may have different views on it but still friends, ya?!

I’ve read about tiger moms, heard about tiger moms, and a friend has even jokingly called me “tiger mom” (ha! If you are reading this, you know who you are!) But I swear that’s because they haven’t met a REAL one!! I’m at most a kitten mom. *blush* ☺️

Anyway, I’ve come to realise that it requires a lot of dedication, perserverence and of course vitamin M to qualify as a tiger mom. So I truly respect her for being to achieve it, on top of being a working mom whose job requires a fair bit of overseas travelling.

Her no 1 has taekwando classes 3x a week, learning lab science 1x a week, piano 1x a week, Chinese at berries 1x a week, ballet 1x a week, swimming 1x a week, and some tuition a few times a week (sorry, I kind of lost track because by then my eyes had already glazed over at the descriptions and I’m sure I’ve got most of it down).

Her no 2 has ballet, shichida, music and swimming (I think).

On top of all these, she coaches them on their studies, practises piano with them. When she’s on business trips, she sets them tasks and calls home to make sure that they stick to it.

Seriously, I doubt I can ever attain that kind of tiger mom nirvana. I’ve neither the patience nor the dedication.

That’s why I am at most, a kitten mom. I’ve restricted my no 1 to 3 enrichment classes and I thought I was already very hardworking! Hahahaha! Little do I know…. And I’ve totally given up on putting my no 2 in enrichment classes. He just amuses himself by pushing his stroller around the mall while his sister attends her 2 classes on sat. The lazy mom (me) just watches him indulgently, while he’s doing his weekly exercise.

The education topic discussion was adjourned as cat mom (because although her children have enrichment classes and tuition classes but fewer than eh hem, you know who.. ) needed to go home to coach her no 1 on a science/maths test.

Somehow “tiger mom” has a negative connotation to it. But it doesn’t have to be so. Just like not everyone can be the prime minister of a state, being a tiger mom is not for everyone. Every parent wants the best for their children. I just hope that all children will recognise the love that every parent has for them. It’s also a matter of choice.

I love my freedom too much to want to give it up and dedicate all my time to my children. No matter how much I love them, I still need time and space for myself so that I don’t lose my own identity. Besides being a mom, I’m also a wife, a daughter, a grand daughter, a sister and my own individual being. And yes I need 8 hours of sleep a day or I’ll become a snappish alligator the next day. (Be forewarned!)

Meanwhile I need to work on my tiger mom characteristics though I doubt that I’ll do very well in that aspect. But like my mom always says, it’s good to have aspirations! ROARRRrrrr!!! ?

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*special request from tiger mom* eh! I’m not so selfless leh! I still take time off for monthly facials, dinner with friends, once a month take leave for a date with hubby and I watch Korean dramas after the children sleep!!

Ok ok! So I conclude…. She’s not just tiger mom, but…. Super Tiger Mom!!! Tee Hee!!