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Category: Deep Thoughts

Seriousness I experience once in a while.

Uprooting Myself After Many Good Years…

Uprooting Myself After Many Good Years…

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I have always been toying with the idea of getting my own domain name.  Because, technically speaking, if one day, WordPress decides to terminate my account with them, all my writings, pictures, videos which I have posted since 2002 (Yes… I have been blogging for 14 years! Albeit on and off though… I was one of the pioneer bloggers who have gone nowhere. LOL!) will be gone!

Excuses, procrastination, everything that you can think of.  Finally, I have done it! I have got myself a domain, a webhost and migrated the whole website over.  Believe me, the migration was as bad as moving a house where you have lived in for last 12 years.  It was PAINFUL. Maybe because I was very cheapo, I did everything myself and refused to pay a fee to migrate the information.  It took me one whole day! It’s also because I am terribly noob at the technology. So instead of paying movers, I figuratively moved my “furniture”,  “boxes”, “belongings” all by myself  (and I’m only 5 feet tall… ).

So my new “house” is ready (well, kind of…) with the bare walls. I’ll maneuver myself through the tech part to beautify it later. So, yes, the new site works but just not too awesome looking (with my noob skills it’ll at most be so-so lah!) unless I pay a pro to jazz it up. Then again, that wouldn’t be me anymore. Let’s look beyond the physical beauty and go for the content. ?

Come visit me at my new place www.myonecentthoughts.com!

Please Let Her Remember Me.

Please Let Her Remember Me.

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I haven’t been sad, really, really sad for a long, long time. Angry, yes, many times. But today is truly a sad day.

My grandmother has been hospitalised due to a stroke. The doctor classified it as a mild stroke, because she has a slightly slurred speech and her hands aren’t as nimble as they used to be.

That’s what I thought too. Until I visited her with 小小宝贝 this evening.

She asked me, “why did you rent your house out?” I simply didn’t get it. Huh?

“What are you talking about?”

It went back and forth until it suddenly occurred to me that, she’s referring to her ward. And the nurse was the maid and the guy in the next bed was the “tenant”!

“This is Changi hospital!”

“What Changi hospital? It’s your house! There’s no such hospital called Changi hospital!” (She stayed there for 1 week just a month back.)

Then she proceeded to call my son my cousin’s name. My heart sank.

“Do you know who I am?”

She looked at me in bewilderment. A part of me died. I am her favourite grandchild and she doesn’t remember me. We slept in the same bed for the first 10 years of my life. And we shared the same room until I got married. I was her everything, until my brother came along. Then both of us were her everything, with me having a bigger share.

After a long while, she finally managed to say my name. She remembered 小小宝贝.

Suddenly she asked me where my brother was.  I told her, “Germany. For work.” Her reply was, “What are you talking about? He’s in primary six!”

Her memories have been jumbled up. She mixes up the past and the present.

She played with 小小宝贝 for a while. It made her happy.

I sat there, looking at her while she was playing with him. My grandmother, who is my pillar of strength, with the most lucid mind, can’t really remember me. I know, because she asked me for.. me. I’d never thought that this can ever happen to me. This only happens in movies, dramas, but not, to me.

Today, I have lost something precious.  I hope she remembers me when I see her tomorrow.

We hugged and kissed her and told her that we loved her. She sat in her chair, smiling and waving at us as we left the ward.

Last week we had lunch with her at home and when we left, we also hugged her and kissed her and she waved good bye.

But today, she doesn’t remember me.

I realise today, that the most painful thing on Earth, is to be forgotten by the person who loved you the most.

Our recent family photo during 宝贝’s birthday celebration
Journaling 

Journaling 

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I unearthed a forgotten trove of journals when I was trying to locate one of my old travel journals to plan for my next holiday! 


I marveled at how legible my handwriting was! ? Back in 1998! Now, it has been reduced to a scrawl, though not quite up to the standard of the “Doctor font” yet. (Sigh! It goes to show that no matter how badly I write, I don’t have the potential to be a doctor. Oh well!)

I posted the picture in FB and some very wonderful friends praised my ex-handwriting. Ok! For that, I’ll endeavour to improve my current standard!! 

Some others were surprised that I actually kept journals. Yes! I did and I still do (very sporadically now). I’m still quite old school. I need to scribble on something for my ideas to take shape. 

I used to write in my diaries every day. When I go through them now, memories come back to me and yet they felt like a few lifetimes away. Those were part of me and yet, there’s no way I can write like that now. Not at this point of my life, with the current state of mind. I kind of miss the old me, with a naive set of idealism and can-do attitude (to the point of being “ti ki”). Ah! How nice it was, to be young, to have the “anything can be done” ??????, the silly squabbles, the shallow crushes. 

Looking back now, it seems that I had a whole lot more fun than what I have right now. It’s a chore to be a grown up! But at least I’ve had my good old wild days! Been there, done that!

Maybe, just maybe, one day, I can make the choice to unshackle myself from the mundane responsibilities and liabilities and be wild again?! But by then, already become old auntie already leh. Sigh…!

Everyone should start journaling! You will be surprised to read what you are writing now, 20 years later! It’s like recovering parts of your life. ?

*ti ki – hokkien for metal teeth. Aka persistent. 

My Sweet Valentine! 

My Sweet Valentine! 

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Look what I’ve found underneath my pillow! 

  
Given to me by my Sweet Valentine! But I can’t open it til 14th Feb. ???

When I asked her about it, she coyly whispered, “Mommy, it’s a SECRET!”  

Little things like these brighten up my days. 

My lovely 宝贝, if you happen to read this one fine day, I just want to tell you, “I love you lots and lots!!” ???

Spread the Blessings. 

Spread the Blessings. 

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It’s been 2 days since I “blew up“. The mist has cleared, the dust has settled. 

I was so busy at work that I hardly had time to dwell on it, except for the 15 mins that I spent, furiously blogging about it. I finally have time to have a cup of tea, indulge in a little junk food (Macs fries!! ?? That’s where I am right now.), reread my blog post and well, self-reflect (actually stone is a better word because I’m still very tired) on it. 

I donate to charity organizations yearly because I subscribe to T Harv Eker’s idea of distribution of earnings (Secrets of the Millionaire’s Mind), which is to donate 10% of earnings to charity or the needy. 

Raffles place, where my office is, has a lot of “tissue aunties” and people bearing registration cards, which authorize them to ask for donations on the streets. Maybe it’s because Raffles Place is perceived to be a place where “rich” people are, after all every single bank in Singapore has an office here and bankers are the richest people around (no?? ?). 

“Tissue aunties” exist everywhere. They usually are old folks who buy the tissue packets from supermarkets, split them up and sell them at a much higher price. I occasionally buy from them, depending on my needs. But the general natural reaction of all folks, is to say “no” whenever they are approached. It’s just a natural protection reflex that the brain has built into the system to refuse or say no when it doesn’t have time to process the “logic”. 

I used to be in a default “no” mode too. Because there’s been many reports in the newspapers that a minority of these people are scammers. And nobody likes to be taken for a fool. And I have always believed that, in pandering to begging, it’s encouraging them not to work. And there are just so many of them around and they are so “in the face”. 

But some time back, in one of my stoning self reflecting sessions, I figured that for every wrong person I refuse, I run the risk of not helping a genuine one. So now, I just buy tissues (I can start a tissue store now) whenever I come across any “tissue auntie” or any donation raiser. 

Once, my friend asked, “What happens if that person is not a genuine case?” I thought for a while and told her, “What goes around, comes around.” Whatever good or bad will eventually make a full circle and come back to that person. If that person is dishonest, it’ll eventually come back to haunt him. That’s probably what karma is all about. And the amount that I use to buy tissues or bag tags or key chains (ya, now it’s no longer just tissues), may mean a huge lot to them. 

But I still draw the line when I see able-bodied people begging (face it, selling tissues IS a form of begging. Seriously, who needs 3 packets of tissues at one shot?). 

So, yes, my Dad WILL be rewarded for his generosity, even if it’s to an underserving person (I still maintain my opinion on that. And yes, there’s this thing about KARMA!! ???). Maybe that’s why I’ve been so lucky all my life!! His good deeds karma has rubbed off on me. I’m always in the right place, right time and the right people always appear when I need help! 

So, in a way, it’s a blessing to give (especially to the real needy. I reiterate on THIS!) because in order to be able to give, we must be in the position to do so. 

So share the blessings…! ???❤️❤️❤️

(UNLESS you blatantly know that that person doesn’t earn it!! With reference to a certain person.) 

I See RED!

I See RED!

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As I am typing this, the red mist in my head (somewhat like the enrage thingy in Hearthstone, and a red mist swirls around in the card) has started receding. I haven’t gone into a rage like this for the longest time ever.  I like to think that I have mellowed down because I’m older and am a parent.  Parents, well, are calm, reasonable, infallible know-it-alls.  When I saw red in my youth, i went on a rampage (literally).  My reaction this time was mild.

I have a cousin, who visits my place twice a year, to “chit-chat” with my grandmother (also his grandmother) and my parents.  Ok heck! I’m like that too, I don’t go to my maternal grandparents’ place very often, the usual once-in-a-year-chinese-new-year kind. So I wasn’t too bothered by it.

According to my Aunt and Uncle, he is an extremely successful property agent, who owns a huge agency and drives a big ass Mercedes (or is it a BMW?? I’m not too good with cars. To me, a car is something that brings me from point A to B. The more petrol saving it is, the better!). Anyway, out of the blue, 2 months ago, my uncle suddenly approached my Dad for help.  Apparently, my dear cousin got himself into debt because he acted as a guarantor for someone (not even a close friend) for $500k. And now the banks are baying for his blood because his “friend” has disappeared. My conclusion is that the story is fictitious. He probably lost money in some volatile trade or deal. Come on, which ordinary person with any semblance of a brain (not to mention that he’s a street wise big shot property agency director) would act as a guarantor to ANYONE?!

He’s supposed to call my Dad for a loan personally.  But no, he didn’t.

My very kind Dad, who stinged on himself for 60 over years, taking the cheapest bus routes to save a few cents, parked his car 10 km away (ok this is an exaggeration, but you get the idea) from the destination because there’s free parking, doesn’t go on holidays, practically went to him and (short of begging) offered him the money!!

He, who still drives a Mercedes/BMW, owns an apartment, can’t downgrade his current luxurious lifestyle, wants to borrow money from my dear Dad who walks or buses to his destination, eats the cheapest food in the hawker centre and saves his money carefully.

The first thing I felt was heartache.  That, my Dad, who worked so hard over the years, saved so hard, took his hard earned money and offered it to him!! Practically shoving it into his face!  That was the first time I expressed displeasure.  I’m usually quite bo chap about how he spends his money.  Afterall, it’s his! He felt good, rescuing his nephew from the depths of the abyss. 

Ok, nevermind. That’s over.

My parents have an apartment whose tenant didn’t renew the lease.  So, my Dad decided to let my “poor” cousin market it. That’s fine too.  After all he’s a professional.  What irked me was, he didn’t even make any suggestion as to what the market rate was (like any good professional real estate agent should do, not to mention a big shot agency directory right??). He just did the bare minimum and listed the unit on PropertyGuru. The apartment stayed empty for 2 months. He brought 2 couples to view it. 2 miserable viewings. And didn’t give any suggestion as to how to better the standing of the apartment.

A few days ago, I got to know an agent who had tenants looking for the same kind of apartment.  The next day, the viewing was made and the deal was sealed.  Enough said.

Being, the nosy parker I am, I went into my dear cousin’s PropertyGuru.  He had 36 listings for sale and 12 listings for rent.  All big ass commercial and industrial properties.  My poor Dad’s unit was the one with the LOWEST rent. You draw your own conclusion. Seriously, I didn’t blame  him for it, because it’s logical to chase after the  biggest dollar.

Everything was rosy, until this morning, I found out that my Dad called my undeserving, skin-thick-as-dinosaur-hide cousin and offered him $1.7k commission, FOR DOING NOTHING, FOR LOSING HIM 2 MONTHS’ WORTH OF RENTAL, FOR PUTTING HIM IN THE LAST PLACE OF HIS PRIORITY LIST. And the ingrate actually said,  “ok, I will take your money.”

I SAW RED.

I called my dad. He slammed the phone down on me. I’M POSITIVELY HOPPING MAD! Red mist rolled in and clouded my senses. Ok, fine, don’t listen to me, right? FINE! I message lah!!!

I sent him messages after messages, still no swear words, although I was punching my phone, furiously swearing.  Thank goodness, my iphone had gorilla glass or else I might have made a hole in my screen.

Now, the red mist has cleared (kind of). There’s no sense souring our relationship over a pompous, self-centred, unprofessional, 不知廉耻 (direct translation : don’t know what the word shame means) THING  whom I don’t even see more than once a year.

It’s ok.  We need to have people like that in the world so that I seem relatively more benevolent, sweeter, smarter (whatever good words I can think of), because I’m definitely no saint myself.

I know my Dad reads my blog and he is going to read this.  I’m still going to say this. I’m not angry with you. I just feel upset that someone who’s totally undeserving, who has not done the work, gets rewarded for the wrong kind of behaviour.

Ok.  Rant over. Back to work!

 

 

My Miracle

My Miracle

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If you have been following my blog all these years, you will know that I’m not exactly a kid lover. Unlike some of my friends who go child crazy whenever they see one, I don’t. In fact, I try to keep my distance from them. 

I was mightily happy with being able to take off whenever and wherever I wanted to.  I wasn’t a bad person, just very self-centered. (There! I’ve said it! I hear some sniggers! ? you are supposed to disagree!)
Until one fine day…. I had a bee in my bonnet and decided that, “ok, perhaps it’s time to have a child.” Waaa! A lot of people bought 4D that day…

And she came along… On this very day, 6 years ago. 17 September 2009.

when 宝贝 was a few months’ old

She was a textbook baby! Easy going, good temper, gobbled up everything, slept on the dot. Good fortune I have!! I must have done a lot of good deeds to deserve her!! 

It was the best decision in my life, to have her. Being a parent has made me a better person. I used to feel very strongly against some issues but they now seem minute and petty. I think twice now if I want to do something bad (looks around furtively). Even if no one knew that I did it, but I know it and with that, I would have lost the right to teach my child the right thing to do if I can’t even do what I preach. 

at 1 year old

I also found that I could give up a lot of things for her. And I never knew that I was the self sacrificial kind. But hey! Maybe I had it in me all along! ? 
 

at 2 years old
 

I used to love working so much that I spent 14 hours at work a day. Madness!!! Now I can’t wait to spend 14 hours with her!

at 3 years old

All my priorities have shifted. Money doesn’t seem as important anymore. Heck! I was even cutting back on work to spend time with her. I started reading parenting books, cooking books, any book that had to do with her. I even started cooking!! It’s a wonder that I haven’t poisoned all of us yet. (My Home Econs teacher must have been praying for me all these years after I almost poisoned her during food tasting in class. That’s another story altogether.)

at 4 years old

She’s the total opposite of me; she’s whatever I’m not. Sweet, sensitive, empathetic and utterly devoted to all of us.  I’ve been constantly reminded of that by my friends and colleagues. (you know who you are!) (although I’m sure I’ve those qualities, waiting to be discovered).  

IMG_9562
at 5 years old
She’s been the best little helper since her
brother arrived. The ever devoted sister and self designated teacher to her little brother. 

   

Today she’s 6 years old. And I love her to bits!!

Happy 6th birthday my darling 宝贝！I don’t know where I’ll be if you haven’t appeared. You are my miracle. 

  

Just Feeling Nostalgic While Watching Election Results

Just Feeling Nostalgic While Watching Election Results

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LKY once said : 

“And even from my sickbed, even if you are going to lower me into the grave and I feel that something is going wrong, I will get up.”

It’s real!!! AH KONG is with us tonight!

We should engrave this on the steps of the Parliament House!! Like how they have engraved Martin Luther King’s quote on the step of Washington’s memorial. 
AH KONG you are always here with us! 
  

Cooling Day 2015

Cooling Day 2015

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Cooling day (Hazy day, more likely…), a day when all parties stop campaigning so that voters like you and me can focus on making the all important decision tomorrow. So I spent today going through the youtube videos of the candidates, weighing the merits of each candidate… hmm.. who should I pick?  Besides deciding on who to vote for, these went through my mind :

1. Qualified female candidates

I’m very heartened to see more young, female qualified candidates stepping into the political arena, namely in the PAP and WP. (Sorry guys, I simply can’t bring myself to name the NSP candidate. ) Females are badly represented in the parliament and yet we make up 50% (or more?) of the population. There are issues that I would like to see them bring up in Parliament – more benefits for single moms, work-life balance for working moms etc. And who knows, maybe we will have a female PM one day!

2. More qualified candidates in the opposition parties

Let’s put it this way… there are some people out there who will vote for the opposition parties (even if they vote a monkey in), just to show their displeasure for the incumbent party.  So I’d rather see a qualified MP, making coherent, constructive arguments in Parliament, than a screeching, senseless primate, waving his fingers around, trying to decide who to point to, himself or others.. and BOO! (Sorry… I just couldn’t resist that.)(By the way, if you don’t know what I’m writing about, it means that you haven’t watched enough youtube rally videos!)

These opposition candidates have shown some common sense and have the ability to connect with the ground.

3. Candidates should write their own speeches.

I have always felt that candidates should write their own speeches.  Well, Mr. LKY did, with some vetting help from Mrs. Lee.  That’s why he was always able to speak with passion in a natural manner and hardly looking at his script. There’s no way another person can duplicate a person’s train of thought and when the speech wasn’t written by the candidate himself/herself, it was really obvious. There were people who practically read off the script (eh, where’s the eye contact?!), or even pronounce the words wrongly (*face palm* that’s why must write own speech lah… so that you don’t put in words with 3 or more syllabus to trip yourself up) or deliver the speech in a monotonous manner. It was excruciatingly painful to watch them.

The speech writer may also have written the speech in a style, that’s not natural to the speaker, thus the speaker comes across being very “plastic” and not natural at all.  I’m not surprised, after all, someone else is putting words into their mouths.

4. Rabid supporters

Yes, you have read correctly. Rabid supporters! They exist in every form and in every party.  When they hear something that differs from their opinions, their eyes go bloodshot, they start to foam in their mouths, then they spew curses incoherently, even if it’s a family member.  Afterall, during election time, it’s “6 levels of family also no count” (六亲不认).  Sometimes, they go back to their normal selves after election is over, sometimes they don’t.  *shrug*

Actually, I’m rather glad that they exist.  Because of their existence, normal people like you and me appear slightly more intelligent lah… *blush* It’s all about relativity leh…

5. The GRC system

I don’t like the GRC system.  I believe that every candidate should be voted in, based on their own merits.  It’s up to the voter to decide if they want to vote for them because of the individual or the party that they represent. It’s because of the GRC system, that talented and hardworking politicians like George Yeo were voted out.  It’s a huge loss to the country.  It’s so difficult to get talented people who are public spirited into parliament!

They must take all the shit from people out there leh! Even carrying a Coach bag also will kana say – why is this person so showy, cannot carry plastic bag meh?! Even carry plastic bag also will kana say – why this person so not environmentally friendly wan?! Take bus, people say wayang. Take car, people say contribute to jam. Even their wives and children also kana say… so poor things… ok ok, i digress…

Not all the candidates fielded by the incumbent party are pulling their weights in the Parliament.  Let’s face it… it’s extremely difficult to recruit good people.  I have very talented friends who rolled their eyes at me, when I asked them if they would enter politics one day.. They said, “Siao ah! Not say get a lot more pay! In fact, take pay cut!!! Everyday kana scolding! I have better things to do! See… George Yeo so happy now! Every day can post photos on facebook of his travels! Who wants to be a MP?!”

It also works both ways.  The opposition parties have some really good people, but there are some dubious characters in the same GRC team, so they don’t get voted in. It’s such a pity.

So I’m in favour for the creation of more SMCs so that every candidate is judged based on his/her own merits. Afterall, every constituency has an MP-in-charged. If he has worked hard for the people, they will naturally vote for him. Although, I haven’t seen my MP (except on the campaign posters), but I admit that it’s my own fault as I’m too anti-social to take part in the organised activities and I’m blessed enough that I don’t need to seek his help. So I have no grounds for complaints!!

6. Connecting with the voters

This is something that I feel that the incumbent party should improve on. Many of the candidates, especially the new ones (or even 1-2 election old ones) can’t speak in a manner that connects with the voters.  They are probably not skilled in public speaking and are experiencing… stage fright?? But heck, you are going to be a politician! Politicians need to make speeches, address the people and speak up for the people in Parliament!  That’s why they are being accused of being aloof and elitist.  They should be trained on public speaking! And… cannot always speak in the Queen’s english lah! Like that, how can the ordinary people like us connect with you? Must smile at us, look at us when you talk.  Must speak a smattering of Singlish, hokkien, teochew!  But there must be a balance… cannot “chut pattern” excessively, or else, people will accuse you of trying too hard. This is what many of the opposition candidates are able to do very well. Ka Ki Nang!!

Anyway, it will be polling day in a few hours.  Whether you are voting for white, blue, red, yellow, green, rainbow, we are all Singaporeans and we want the country we love to prosper and our countrymen to lead happy lives.  And so… we trudge on… Majulah Singapura!!