Once upon a time, in the village of Tiddlywinks, there lived a bunch of people, whose pastime was to drink beer and eat white sausages. The villagers produced beer and used it to barter for white sausages from the next village, Winkytill.
One fine day, as of any normal day, the villagers cheerfully loaded their little carts with barrels of fine TW beer, looking forward to having fresh white sausages for their dinners. They simply loved the white sausages, which was their only source of pleasure in a hard day’s work of beer making.
Whistling happily, they pushed their carts with vigour, on the winding path to Winkytill. Suddenly, the whole procession stopped. There was a great big giant tree, right smack in the middle of the vital path to Winkytill!! They just couldn’t believe their eyes. How could a humongous tree grow overnight?! (This is a fairy tale, ok?!) They rubbed their eyes in disbelief! What’s worse! It had cut them off from their precious supply of white sausages! This was atrocious, ridiculous and… UNTHINKABLE!!
The villages wrung their hands in despair and pulled their hairs out. They pushed their carts dejectedly back to their village and sat in a circle despondently. One of the villagers stood up and exclaimed,” We need a giant axe to cut down the giant tree!” At this statement, the fire returned to everyone’s eyes. “That’s a brilliant idea!!” They patted the smart aleck on his back.
“Now, where can we get this great big axe from?!”
“I know! Ah Wei from the RoarRoar town nearby can do it! She can find ANYTHING!”
So, they contacted Ah Wei . She became an employee of the Tiddlywinks subsidiary located in the RoarRoar town and they entrusted upon her the important task of getting a giant axe, so that they could cut the tree down and get to their precious supply of white sausages.
Efficient as she always was, she managed to find someone who had this great big axe in an amazingly short time.
“Yo yo! I have a seller who’s willing to sell his great big axe for 1 dollar!! It’s such a good deal!”
The villagers of Tiddlywinks exclaimed,”1 dollar?! But we don’t have 1 dollar! We only have a lot of good TW beer! The best beer in the region!”
After much cajoling, persuading, even to the extent of begging, Ah Wei managed to get the seller to barter his great big axe for a barrel of good old TW beer. The seller reluctantly accepted the bargain, although he’s allergic to beer and would develop red ugly rashes from drinking it. Nevertheless, he’s no match for Ah Wei’s persuasive powers.
Now, the villagers sat around the great big axe. It’s so big that 30 people were needed to lift it up. What’s the best way to cut the tree down?
“We should do it the top-down method!”
“No no! It should be the left-right method!”
“No no no!! It should be ……”
The villagers spent 4 whole months, arguing over the best way to utilise the great big axe. After much fighting and debating, they finally agreed on a method. So they set off to conquer the great big tree.
When they reached the very spot where the great big tree rested, they discovered that, because they had spent so much time arguing, the entire landscape had changed! Instead of a great big tree, a great big river cut across the path!!!
They shouted, they lamented and they hopped around in anger, for 4 months without the white sausages had left them very miserable indeed. Furiously, they trudged back to the village.
“Ah Wei!! We don’t want the axe anymore!! We want a great big pail to bail the water out!”
“What.. what?! Then what should I do with the great big axe?!”
“We don’t care! Just barter it for a great big pail! By hook or by crook! We are your bosses so you must do what we say!”
“But but but…” Ah Wei had no choice.
She found a seller with a great big pail. After much effort, she managed to persuade him to exchange his pail for the axe. Wiping her sweat off her brows, she gave the pail to the villagers. Yet again, the villagers took another 4 months to decide on the best way to bail the water out with the pail. It’s pretty amazing to find so many indecisive people in one village. They should have made an entry in the Guinness book of Records.
So, off they go again, to the river, grumpily shoving each other along the way. They were suffering from the withdrawal syndrome, being deprived of the white sausages for 8 whole months. Yet again, the world waited for no one. While they were gone, due to forces of nature, the river was replaced with a mountain! “Our white sausages!!!” The villagers hollered in anguish.
They went back to Ah Wei and demanded, “WE WANT YOU TO EXCHANGE THIS GREAT BIG PAIL FOR A GREAT BIG SPADE!!”
“What..what?! This is unreasonable! First you wanted a great big axe, then a great big pail and now a great big spade! Do you know what you want!?”
“We don’t care! The natural forces have changed, we now want a spade! We can’t use the pail on the mountain!!”
“If only you had observed the natural trends and taken less time to react to the changes, then all these would be unnecessary!!!”
“So what?! Do you question our actions!? You are our employee and you must follow instructions, no matter how stupid they are! We pay you to do what we want you to do!!”
Fed up with their unreasonable demands and tired of having to pacify the irked sellers, Ah Wei finally released her pent up frustrations! Conjuring up a handful of *fried cuttlefish (Reminder: This is a fairy tale.), she stuffed them into the villagers’ mouths! Taken aback by surprise, they were too shocked to move. She boxed them in the ears, punched them in the face and kicked them in their shins.
“I CHAO your YOU YU!! I have companies lining up to employ me and I will not sit here, wasting my time to follow the instructions of a bunch of procrastinating fools!”
With amazing strength, she turned the great big pail over the heads of the villagers, slapped the dust off herself and walked off.
She had not experienced such great satisfaction for a long long time….
*fried cuttlefish = Chao3 You2 Yu2 (in Chinese) = Sack the employer = resign = whatever = you get the idea!