Oh yeesss! I spend loads and loads of time in the toilet. Naturally the squeaky clean kind, with good ventilation, comfortable temperature, soothing level of lighting and the list goes on….. What? What can I do in the toilet?! Answer nature’s calls, what else?! *gasp* You do it in the flowerpot beside your desk?! How delightful! *giggle*
Besides the normal peeing and shitting business, toilets can be rather conducive for :
2. Catching up on lost sleep
3. Eavesdropping on gossips (Statistics have shown that the toilet is the best source of information! Want to know who backstabbed you? Go shit! Want to know who stole the credit for your project?! Go Pee!!! )
4. Excuse for getting out of a sticky situation in a meeting
5. Folding cranes with the toilet paper
As you can see, toilets are of utmost importance!!! So far, lucky ME have spanking clean and friendly toilets, but ever since I moved into this building (I suspect that it is the oldest one in the company estate!), going to the toilet has been a nightmare! It is no longer a delight that I look forward to, everything is done in a hurry. Run in, push the door open (making sure that it is empty first. Oh yes… you will be surprised!), finish the business, wash hands, back to the sanctuary of the office — all in a 5 minutes dash. If there is some kind of toilet dash competition, I am sure I will secure the first place. Rushing in and out of the toilet can be really depressing and detrimental to productivity. Can you empathise with the agony of a worker who cannot enjoy her daily business in peace and serenity?!
Let me tell you the reason why a toilet lover like me has to stoop to such underground levels. A corridor leads from my office to the toilet. There is a door at the end of the corridor, it usually blocks the cold wind from entering and thus keeping the passageway reasonably warm. Once you go past the door, brrr… an instant change of 10 degrees, just in a matter of split seconds. Then you open the toilet door, thinking, oh great! A warm toilet to escape from the cold. Suddenly, the icy blast of air hit you. All negative 5 degrees Celsius of it. First you flick the switch on, (they practise energy saving here), the ‘cheery’ lights illuminate the sparse place and then sputter into oblivion, then you go by a weird sink with iron bars across it (I suspect that it is used by the cleaning lady) before entering an icy cubicle. Have you ever tried sitting on a frozen toilet seat!? It is so cold that it literally freeze up the pelvic muscles and nothing can be released, prima! As a result, you have to wait a few seconds more, while shivering in the cold, for the business to come. Then you wear your pants with the then numbed fingers and turn right for the sink. There you see it! The window is opened, letting in the sub zero air! There is a huge heater there, but the little dial is turned to the snowflake sign! The rationale totally escapes me. In a fury, I punch the window shut and turn the dial of the heater to full blast (all after I have washed my hands of course! What were you thinking of?!) Grinning in glee, I anticipate the next warm toilet excursion.
2 hours later, with visions of warm toilets, I go to my 3rd favourite room. Brrr… cold! Isn’t the bloody heater working! Stomping to the heater, I glared at it, preparing to give it a few of my famous Weeeii kicks to get its ass moving. Argh! The dial has been turned back to snowflake! AND the blasted window is opened AGAIN! %$@@^ Who is the fricking idiot who has done this! With a vengence, I slam the window shut and again turn the heater up to max! I WILL PERSERVERE! WE SHALL SEE WHO HAS MORE PATIENCE!